Hash Hymnal
Hash songs are bawdy, crude, always meant to be funny, and never taken seriously. It's not for everyone however. If your're easily offended, it's best to move on to something esle.
Down Down Songs
Long Songs
Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter (Hairs of her Dickie-Di-Doe)
When The End of The Month Rolls Around
Bullshit
Bull-shit, bull-shit,
It all sounds like bullshit to me, to me,
Bull-shit, bull-shit,
It all sounds like bullshit to me!
The Doggy's Meeting
The doggies held a meeting,
They came from near and far,
Some came by motorcycle,
Some came by motorcar.
Each doggy passed the entrance,
Each doggy signed the book,
Each doggy hung his asshole,
Upon his very own hook.
AND SCRIM was not invited,
Imagine his great ire,
He ran into the meeting
And promptly shouted, "Fire!"
in the mass confusion,
without a second look,
Each doggy grabbed an asshole
From another doggy’s hook.
And that's the reason why, sir,
Wherever Doggies roam.
And that's the reason why, sir,
On land or sea or foam,
And that's the reason why sir,
A dog will leave his bone,
To sniff another's asshole,
To see if it's his own.
Asshole!
Dos, A Beer
Dos, a beer, a Mexican beer,
Ray, the guy who buys me beer, (Thanks Ray!),
Me, the guy, he buys beer for,
Far, a long-long way to run,
So, I think I’ve have a beer!
La, la la la la la la,
Tea, no thanks I’ll have a beer,
And that brings us back to Dos, dos, dos, dos…
Dumbass
Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass, dumbass,
Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass, (dumbass!)
Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass, dumbass,
Dumbass, Dumbass, dumbass.
Fuck You For Being the Hare
Fuck you for being the hare
Traveled down your marks and back again
Your trail is untrue
You’re a dick and incompetent
And if you did a down-down
In front of everyone you scre-ew-ewed
You would see the biggest one would be from me
And my middle finger say
Fuck you for being the hare
Give It A Blow
Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But my cock is so delightful,
So if you want to see it grow,
Give it a blow, give it a blow, give it a blow!
In Heaven There Is No Beer
In heaven there is no beer, (no beer?)
That’s why we drink it here, (no beer?)
And when we’re gone from here, (no beer?)
All our friends will be drinking all the beer!
It's A Small Dick
Well it isn’t long and it isn’t think,
It gets hard too slow and it cums too quick,
It gets lost in her twat but it’s all that he’s got,
It’s a small, small dick.
It’s a small dick after all,
It’s a small dick after all,
Always limp from alcohol,
It’s a small, small dick!
My Name Is Jack
My name is Jack (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I’m a necrophiliac (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I fuck dead women (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
And I fill ’em full of jism (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah).
I get frustrated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
When they’re cremated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
Cause try as I must (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I can’t fuck dust!
Publicly Pissed Upon
He ought to publicly pissed upon,
He ought to be publicly shot (Bang! Bang!),
He out to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot
Soldier Song
Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, for country and for queen,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be!
This Is Your Down-Down Song
This is your Down-Down song,
It isn’t very long…
Twinkle Twinkle Little Hasher
Twinkle, twinkle, little hasher,
Can’t you suck a little faster?
Down upon my meat so slow,
Like a whale about to blow,
Twinkle, twinkle, little hasher,
Can’t you suck a little faster?
Whip It Out at the Ball Game
Whip it out at the ball game,
Wave it round at the crowd,
Dip it in peanuts and Crackerjack,
I don’t care if you give it a whack,
Because it’s –
Beat your meat at the ball game,
If you don’t cum it’s a shame,
‘Cause it’s one, two,
You’re covered in goo,
At the old ball game!
You're Stupid, You're Stupid
You’re stupid, you’re stupid,
You’re really fucking dumb,
If it wasn’t for you’re mother,
You’d be a stain of cum!
Walking Down Canal Street
I was walking down Canal street,
I knocked on every door,
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn’t find a whore!
I finally found a whore,
She was tall and thin,
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn’t get it in!
I finally got it in,
I moved it all about,
God damn, son of a bitch,
I couldn’t get it out!
I finally got it out,
It was covered all in sores,
God damn, son of a bitch,
Don’t fuck New Orleans Whores!
Two weeks later,
Blood was in my piss,
God damn, son of a bitch,
She gave me syphilis!
I went to the doctor,
This is what he said,
You stupid mother fucker,
You should have gotten head!
EL Camino
CHORUS
El Camino, El-el Camino,
El Camino, El-el Camino,
Well the front is like a car,
And the back is like a truck,
The front is where you drive,
And the back is where you… (chorus)
ADDITIONAL VERSES:
You can drive to the brothel,
You can drive it to the store,
The front you fill with groceries,
The back you fill with… (chorus)
Well the front is where you fuck,
And the back is where you fuck,
The front is where you fuck,
And the back is where you… (chorus)
The back rides high,
And the front rides low,
I’ll give you a free ride,
If you give me a… (chorus)
You can pay with weed,
Or you can pay with gas,
If you don’t have either,
Then you can pay with… (chorus)
You can take out classy ladies,
You can take out dirty sluts,
In the front you kiss them softly,
In the back you do their… (chorus)
You can drive an automatic,
Or you can drive a stick,
Doesn’t matter how you drive it,
Cause you’ll still suck my… (chorus)
Gang Bang
CHORUS:
I love a gang bang, Oh yes I do,
‘Cause a gang bang makes me feel so good.
When I was younger, and in my prime,
I used to gang bang all the time,
But now I’m older, and turning gray,
I only gang bang twice a day.
SAMPLE VERSE:
Leader: Knock-knock
All: Who’s there?
Leader: Ida
All: Ida, who?
Leader: Ida want another gang bang!
OPTIONAL VERSES:
Ranger,
Arranger for best entry at the gang bang! (chorus)
Oliver,
All of her clothes were off at the gang bang! (chorus)
Dolly Parton
Dolly’s partin’ her thighs at the gang bang! (chorus)
Yurin
Yurin for sloppy seconds at the gang bang! (chorus)
Tijuana
Tijuana bring your mother to the gang bang! (chorus)
Kissinger
Kissinger great, but fuckin her’s better at the gang bang! (chorus)
Orange
Aren’t you glad you’re at the gang bang! (chorus)
Aspen
I spend too much time at the at the bang bag (chorus)
Irish
I wish we were at the gang bang (chorus)
Shelby
She’ll be sore after the gang bang! (chorus)
Police
P-P-P-Please take me to the gang bang! (chorus)
Platypus
Plenty O puss at the gang bang! (chorus)
Howard
How were the tits at the gang bang! (chorus)
Extinct
It stinked like fish at the gnag bang! (chorus)
Maybell
Maybe she’ll do us all at the gang bang! (chorus)
Ilene
I leaned her over the couch at the gang bang! (chorus)
Heada
Had a lot of sex at the gang bang! (chorus)
Shirley
Surely you got laid at the gang bang! (chorus)
Ima
I’m a glad we had this gang bang! (chorus)
Eisenhower
I’s an hour late for the gang bang! (chorus)
Gladiator
Glad he ate her out before the gang bang! (chorus)
Dixie
My dicks erect at the gang bang! (chorus)
Kenya
Can ya give me directions to the gang bang! (chorus)
Abbott
I bet you won’t be alone at the gang bang! (chorus)
Charlie Pryde
Charlie pried her legs apart at the gang bang! (chorus)
Jesus Can't Go Hashing
SAMPLE VERSE:
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s nailed upon the cross,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s nailed upon the cross,
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s nailed upon the cross,
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.
CHORUS:
Free beer for all the hashers;
Free beer for all the hashers;
Free beer for all the hashers;
Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves!
FINAL VERSE:
Jesus, we’re only kidding!
Jesus, we’re only kidding!
Jesus, we’re only kidding!
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!
ADDITIONAL VERSES:
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his feet are tied together!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his dad knows all the trails!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s busy getting nailed!
Jesus don’t need flour ’cause he lays the trail in blood;
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause Judas pissed him off!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s only got 12 friends!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause shiggy on his head!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his wood is just too big!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his girlfriend is a whore!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he turns the beer to wine!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s stuck behind a rock!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he shortcuts across the lake!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause a Jew won’t pay five bucks!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause the flour falls through his hands!
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s mowing my front lawn!
All the girls love Jesus ’cause he’s hung like this! (spread out arms)
All the girls love Jesus ’cause they know he’ll cum again!
Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter (Hairs of her Dickie-Di-Doe
FIRST VERSE:
The Mayor of Bayswater,
He has a lovely daughter,
And the hairs on her dickie-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.
CHORUS:
And the hairs, (And the hairs!)
And the hairs, (And the hairs!)
And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.
One black one, one white one,
And one with a bit of shite on,
And one with a fairy light on
To show us the way.
And the hairs, (And the hairs!)
And the hairs, (And the hairs!)
And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.
Additional Verses:
I’ve smelt it, I’ve felt it,
It’s just like a bit of velvet.
I could not believe my eyes,
When I peered down between her thighs.
I she were my daughter,
I’d have her cut them shorter.
I parted her lips back,
And pulled out a thirty-rack.
I finished that thirty-rack,
And threw all the fucking empties back.
I stroked ’em and poked ’em,
I rolled ’em and smoked ’em.
You’d need a coal miner,
To find her vagina.
She says she is not a whore,
But she bangs like a shithouse door.
She married an Italian,
Who was hung like a stallion.
She divorced the Italian,
And married the fucking stallion.
She married a Spaniard,
With a prick like a bloody lanyard.
She divorced the Spaniard,
And ran off with the bloody lanyard.
The aroma it lingers,
It smells like fish fingers.
She sat on the waterfront,
With the waves lapping up and down her cunt.
She went to Arabia,
And got camel drool on her labia.
She went with a Hash House Harrier,
Who fucked her but wouldn’t marry her.
She stayed on a cattle ranch,
And came like an avalanche.
The S&M Man
CHORUS:
(Oh!) The S & M man.
The S & M man,
The S & M man because mixes it with love,
Makes the hurt feel good, the hurt feel good.
SAMPLE VERSE:
Who will run through shiggy, (Who will run through shiggy,)
Ripping up his flesh, (Ripping up his flesh)
And turn right around,
And repeat the bloody mess? (CHORUS)
OPTIONAL VERSES:
Who cuts off your gonads,
Boils ‘em in a stew,
Later that evening,
He’ll feed ‘em back to you? (CHORUS)
Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream? (CHORUS)
Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up your ass,
Hit it with a hammer,
And line your ass with glass? (CHORUS)
Who can take your penis,
Slam it in a door,
Slam it in a door,
So you can’t fuck anymore? (CHORUS)
Who can take a sander,
Make sure it’s Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you’ve got a bleeding pecker? (CHORUS)
Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he roots her up the rear? (CHORUS)
Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch? (CHORUS)
ho can take a vagina,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And serve bread at the hash feast? (CHORUS)
Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears? (CHORUS)
Who can take a cheese grater,
Strap it to his arm,
Fist fuck the bitch
And make Vagina Parmesan? (CHORUS)
Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head? (CHORUS)
Who can take a little girl,
Before she’s on the rag,
Fuck her till she’s dead
And then toss her in a bag? (CHORUS)
Who goes to the abortion clinic,
Sneaks around the back,
Digs through the dumpster,
Until he finds a tasty snack? (CHORUS)
Who goes to the abortion clinic,
Fuck goin’ around the back
Kick down the front door,
And eat it out her snatch?< (CHORUS)
Who can take a sawfish,
Ram it up yer bum,
Run it back and forth,
To make some rectal chum? (CHORUS)
When The End of The Month Rolls Around
SAMPLE VERSES:
You can tell by the smell that she isn’t feeling well,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can bet it ain’t sweat when her underwear is wet,
When the end of the month rolls around.
CHORUS:
Singing hi, hi, hee, to the tampon factory,
Shout your size and sing it loud and clear,
We got small, medium, large,
We got enough to fill a barge,
When the end of the month rolls around.
ADDITIONAL VERSES:
You can tell by her walk, that all you’ll do is talk,
Well you’re shit out of luck, if you want to fuck,
You can tell by her pout, that her eggs are falling out,
What the hell’s with these sheets, did I fuck a bag of beets?
Well the sex is maybe, but its better than a baby
You can tell by her bitchin, that she’ll take it in the kitchin (and kitchen means butt)
You can tell by that string, that somethings plugging up her thing
You can tell by that puddle, that all you’ll do is cuddle
You can tell by her walk, that all you’ll do it talk
You can see it in her eyes that she’s got blood between her thighs
You can tell by her moanin’ that she’s losing hemoglobin
You can tell by the stain that she’s in a lot of pain
You can tell by her stance she’s got cotton in her pants
You can tell by the blotch that she’s got a leaky crotch
You can tell by her mess that it must be TSS
Yogi Bear
FIRST VERSE:
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
FIRST CHORUS:
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
SAMPLE VERSE:
Yogi has a little friend,
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo,
Yogi has a little friend,
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo Bear!
SAMPLE CHORUS:
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo Bear,
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo Bear,
Yogi has a little friend,
Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo Bear
ADDITIONAL VERSES::
Boo-Boo has a girlfriend,
Cyndi, Cyndi,
Boo-Boo has a girlfriend,
Cyndi, Cyndi Bear
Cyndi has a shaven snatch,
Grizzly, Grizzly,
Cyndi has a shaven snatch,
Grizzly, Grizzly Bear
Cyndi likes it on the ice,
Polar, Polar,
Cyndi likes it on the ice,
Polar, Polar Bear!
Cyndi missed her period,
Pregnant, Pregnant,
Cyndi missed her period,
Pregnant, Pregnant Bear!
Yogi has a girlfriend,
Suzi, Suzi,
Yogi has a girlfriend,
Suzi, Suzi Bear!
Suzi doesn’t wash her snatch,
Gummy, Gummy,
Suzi doesn’t wash her snatch,
Gummy, Gummy Bear!
Cyndi wears lingerie,
Teddy, Teddy,
Cyndi wears lingerie,
Teddy, Teddy Bear!
Suzi likes it up the rear,
Dirty, Dirty,
Suzi likes it up the rear,
Dirty, Dirty Bear!
Suzi she has great big tits,
More than, More than,
Suzi she has great big tits,
More than, More than I can bear
Yogi didn’t use a condom,
Daddy, Daddy,
Yogi didn’t use a condom,
Daddy, Daddy Bear
Boo-Boo likes it upside down,
Koala, Koala,
Boo-Boo likes it upside down,
Koala’s not a Bear!
Boo-Boo takes it up the butt,
Gay, Gay,
Boo-Boo takes it up the butt,
Gay, Gay Bear!
Yogi didn’t wipe his butt,
Brown, Brown,
Yogi didn’t wipe his butt,
Brown, Brown Bear!
Boo-Boo likes both black and white,
Panda, Panda,
Boo-Boo likes both black and white,
Panda, Panda Bear!
Yogi got a case of crabs,
Itchy, Itchy,
Yogi got a case of crabs,
Itchy, Itchy Bear!
Yogi’s got an M-16,
Right to, Right to,
Yogi’s got an M-16,
Right to, Right to Bear!
Cyndi and Suzie are making out,
Klondike, Klondike,
Cyndi and Suzie are making out,
Klondike, Klondike Bear!
Yogi hates the Cardinals,
Cubbie, Cubbie,
Yogi hates the Cardinals,
Cubbie, Cubbie Bear!
Boo-Boo hates the Packers,
Chicago, Chicago,
Boo-Boo hates the Packers,
Chicago, Chicago Bear!
Your Mom
No one…
Fucks like your mom,
No one sucks like your mom,
No one gives it away for five bucks like your mom,
And yes she’s the best when she’s fornicating,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!
No one…
Sounds like your mom,
No one pounds like your mom,
No one swallows the cum of hash hounds like your mom,
And fucking her’s simpler than masturbating,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!
No one…
Creams like your mom,
No one screams like your mom,
No one fucks like the whore of my dreams like your mom,
You can pick any hole she won’t keep you waiting,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!
No one…
Licks like your mom,
No one’s sick like your mom,
No one fills up her cunt with those dicks like your mom,
You can shit on her tits it’s humiliating,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!
No one…
Sluts like your mom,
No one struts like your mom,
No one takes it all night in the butt like your mom,
She’s a tramp and a champ when she’s copulating,
Oh everyone’s fucking your mom!